Survivors
by Kelly Moreland
Summary: This is how the world ends, not with a bang, but with a whimper.  T.S. Elliot Chapter 10 up. 10 is the final chapter.
1. Chapter 1

Survivors

This is how the world ends, not with a bang, but with a whimper. -- T.S. Elliot

Chapter One -- Plague--

Death slipped among us like a snake in the garden and no one could see it coming. No, I guess that's not true, we should have all seen it coming. In the aftermath there weren't enough people left to lay blame, of those that survived some said the military was to blame, some said it was a biological act of terrorism. I said who cares how it happened, just pray for survivors.

It was mid September, and a hot nasty bitch of one at that, especially in DC. I work there as a nurse. I have for several years now. I had a nice, quiet little life. So when the plague hit, it took me by surprise as much as anyone else.

It started like a flu outbreak except it spread really fast. The center point seemed to be Colorado and it spiraled out from there like a brush fire. The CDC denied there was a problem, the Army denied there was a problem, everyone denied there was a problem until this particular problem was leaving bodies to rot in the street. By then the population was down by half. Stop and think about that. Half We lost half of our population in under one month.

But like any plague, any where in history, there are always those who have an immunity. I was one. Notice I didn't refer to us as the lucky ones. No, I think the lucky ones were lying in the streets, churches, and homes of America. I decided I needed to get out of DC, but how to do it was the question. A car was out of the question, even a four wheel drive couldn't get around some of the traffic snarls that I had see just in the city. That didn't even begin to count what the inter states and highways would be like. Walking was way out of the question, it left you too vulnerable. A motorcycle would have been nice, and I did know how to ride one, but riding alone is tricky. If anything were to happen no one would be there to help. So I settled on a bicycle.

A trip down to the local bike shop and I picked one out. I also added a small tent and all the dehydrated food I could carry from an outfitting store and then I was almost ready, but I needed a gun. Like it or not, it would be stupid to go without one. The best gun I could think up for myself was a pump shotgun. Hey, I never said I was a great shot and they call them scatter guns for a reason. This was the hardest thing to find. The gun shops and pawn shops had been cleared out at that point, but I got lucky one day and found one in a police cruiser. Now I was ready to leave.

I started out heading west toward the mountains, thinking I would just find a smaller town, less bodies in the streets, less smell, somewhere that I didn't hear the sound of automatic gunfire at night. There were plenty people alive in the city, just not all of them were nice.

I made it five days before I found him.

I thought he was dead at first. He looked like it, laying there in the ditch but something, instinct I guess, told me he wasn't. As I leaned over him to get a better look and his eyes opened and I almost fell on my ass.

We both whipped our guns around "Drop it,"he said.

"You drop yours first," I countered a little shaky.

"All right, OK, lets both calm down and drop them at the same time, OK?"

I agreed and we both cautiously lowered our guns.

"So, do you sleep in ditches a lot?" I asked him.

"Took a spill off my bike," he said, pointing to motorcycle not very far away, "I've got a bad knee and it gave out on me when I tried to stand up."

I looked down to see one knee obviously more swollen than the other one.

"Probably tore a ligament," I said.

"You a doctor?"

"A nurse."

I stood up and looked at the sky, thinking. I couldn't just leave him there.

"Look, mister..."

"O'Neill, Jack O'Neill."

"I'm Jessie Allen. Jack, I can't just leave you here, I mean... Do you want to come with me? Or me to stay with you?

"Where you headed?" he asked.

"Does the phrase' anywhere but here mean anything to you'?"

"I'm a colonel in the Air Force," he said, carefully moving to sit up, wincing as he did so. "I'm headed to Colorado Springs, Colorado. The last news I got there was a group of survivors and they were working on a cure. I'm pretty sure I can get you into the complex, if you can help me get there."

"I'll do my best,"I answered. "The first problem to tackle is bracing that leg until we can get into a hospital or a medical supply store."

"I've got an idea..."

"So do I, let's hear yours."

"Sticks and my bandanna." He nodded.

"Same idea as mine. Copycat." He didn't seem to know how to react to that, and I figured he wasn't used to people teasing him, not being a high ranking officer. I was a natural born smart-ass my Mom used to say. I didn't think too much about my Mom as I got my camp hatchet and hunted around for sticks, I had buried her myself the second week of the plague. I finally found what I was looking for, two saplings, about two inches in diameter. I chopped them down quickly and stripped the leaves and branches as I went back to where Jack sat tearing the bandanna into two pieces. A couple of minutes later we had a rough but functioning brace on his leg.

"You ready for this?" I asked him, almost adding the word Sir to the end. But there was no way I as going to start calling him Sir now.

"You betcha'," He said with even less confidence than I felt.

"Gonna get a little close," I said, "Just in case you need extra support. We'll just have to see." I stepped in close to his body, fitting my shoulders under his arm. "Ready when you are."

I stood up as he rose to his feet and it worked perfectly. The two saplings on either side of his thigh supported his knee and he could walk, although not very well.

"Now we need wheels." I said, helping him carefully sit back down.

"I can't ride a bike or a motorcycle, that's for sure," Jack said.

"You could ride a trike motorcycle," I said after a minute, "or a motorcycle with a sidecar."

He nodded "That I could do. Can you drive one though?"

"I can, it's been a while but I know how to ride one. First thing tomorrow I'll bike into town and see what I can find. I think we should go ahead and camp for tonight, don't you?"

He nodded after glancing at the sky, "I think that would be a good idea. I might actually be able to pitch my tent tonight instead of sleeping under the stars."

We worked together easily and set up both tents just off the road. I did a lot of camping as a kid, and there is some work to it. Jack apparently knew this just as I did because any task that could be done seated on the ground he accomplished somehow. After I got back from gathering wood he had Sterno cans going, heating water for supper.

The last five nights had been hell. I spent most of them crying myself to sleep, feeling like the last person left on the planet, or the only sane one anyway. Tonight the world smaller, less dangerous, and as I saw Jack sitting outside his tent as I returned with more arm load of wood, maybe still being alive wasn't so bad after all.


	2. Chapter 2

Survivors

Chapter 2 -- And miles to go before I sleep

I dumped the last load of wood on the ground and sat down with a tired sigh. I was feeding a little more wood into the fire when Jack handed me some soup. we ate in silence, staring into the fire and he surprised me when he softly spoke.

"You know, I've spent countless nights just like this. Sitting around a fire, drinking powdered soup or eating an MRE, with my unit and I've never considered the light and warmth like I do right now."

"Perspectives change. I was getting tired of living in the city, now I'd love to see a traffic jam of living people." I said.

"Or just a car going down this road." he agreed.

We sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, and that was nice, it's a hard thing to achieve with another person. I wanted to ask a million questions about him, but I knew it would be wise to hold back right now. Jack seemed to be a man with a lot of layers.

"You going to be able to get into your sleeping bag OK?" I asked

"Oh yeah, piece of cake. I just have one thing to figure out."

"What's that?"

"What to do if I need to go... you know."

If it wasn't dark, I bet I would have seen him blush.

"I might have an idea, let me see." I took out my flashlight and went down to the road. After a couple of minutes I found an empty soda bottle and took it back to camp with me. "Will this do?" I asked, handing it to him.

"Works for me."

"On that note, I think I'm turning in." I said with a yawn.

"'Night Jess."

"See ya in the morning."

I crawled into my sleeping bag and was asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

The next morning I woke up early. Jack was still out, so I biked into town to shop for a few things. An orthopedic specialists office produced a nice walking leg brace, and a cane. The trike took longer, I had to scour the whole town before I found a motorcycle trike at a bar. Getting the keys was rather unpleasant, it involved digging through the pockets of several dead patrons, but I finally found them, they were the same purple and black colors as the trike. I went out and started it up. It was even full of gas.

I transfered my stuff to it and began to make my way back to camp, making one last stop on the way. I took it slow driving back, not being used to riding something that honking big. It was exactly what it sounds like, a three wheeled motorcycle. By the time I got back to where camp was, I felt pretty confident on it.

I pulled up in front of Jack and turned off the trike.

"What do you think?" I asked him with a grin.

"I think it's... nice" he said a peculiar flat expression.

I could tell he hated it.

"Oh c'mon Jack. Give it a chance. It makes you feel deliciously tacky yet undignified."

"It does that just looking at it."

"Well, I think it'll will have to do. At least for now."

"Brought you something." I walked back to the trike and retrieved the knee brace and the cane.

"I bet it's just my size too," Jack answered, taking off our homemade brace in favor of the new one. He adjusted the three wide velcro straps and stood up carefully. I handed him the cane. It was amazing that those two small things could make him so happy, but they did. What really made him happy was having his independence back, not having to lean on anyone. Yep, Jack O'Neill was a man of layers.

"How far do you think we can get before nightfall," I asked him.

"I'm not sure, but I say we find out."

"I hate to tell you this Jack, but we are not camping tonight. We're going to try to find a motel room. After a couple of days in a ditch, you need some good quality time with some soap and water."

"Ya think?" he snorted at me.

Without saying another word we started to break camp, again, working as a team. Once we had everything carefully packed away I mounted the trike and Jack got on behind me. I was silently thankful that he chose not to ride with his chest pressed to my back, that would have been too distracting. He wasn't exactly hard on the eyes.

I took us down to the road and eased onto it, heading west. We covered far more ground than I thought we would, easing around fender-benders and pile ups when we came to them. Cautiously slowing down to go around blind curves, never knowing what might be on the other side. Jack sat with his bad leg stretched out comfortably.

The shadows had stretched out long when I began to look for a motel just off the highway. I found one as the first stars were appearing in the sky. Finding no one in the managers office I took keys eleven and twelve off the rack. Jack had slid off the bike by the time I returned, and I held the keys out.

"Which do you prefer?" I asked him.

He closed his eyes and snagged a set from my hand.

"I'll take these," he said, opening his eyes and holding up the keys to twelve.

We opened the doors and found they were adjoining rooms, but neither one of us commented on it.

"Why don't you grab a bath and I'll cook tonight," I offered.

"I am pretty ripe," he agreed.

"I've noticed," I said with a grin. He didn't say another word, just turned around and headed off to his room. I couldn't help laughing out loud.

The last stop I had made that morning was at a super market. I was getting tired of dehydrated food and I wanted something a little more substantial, so I had picked up a backpack and filled it with canned goods. Tonight would be Wolf brand chili and crackers. By the time Jack came back it was simmering nicely over the Sterno canned heat.

"What is that?" he asked, sniffing the air.

"Hope you like chili."

"Oh yes, I do like chili."

"Wolf is the best canned chili I ever found," I said.

"Never had it," he commented.

"Well, sit down, you're about to."

I took the pan off the burner and carried it over to the small table in the corner, we divided up the contents and dug in.

"What do you think?" I asked him after a few minutes.

"I think you should have got a few more cans."

"Well I'm glad you like it."

We scarfed down the rest of our meal quickly and with little conversation. Once we had finished off the pan, I started cleaning up and my curiosity got the best of me.

"Jack?"

"Yes?"

"Tell me about yourself?" I asked.

There was a very long silence. I was starting to think that I had made a huge mistake when he finally spoke. "I... umm ... I work with a special ops branch of the air force." He held up four fingers as he went on. "There are four people in my unit and we are a close group. That's the reader's digest version."

"Oh come on. You can do better than that. Are you married? Any kids?"

"No, and no," he replied stiffly. Before I could say anything else he looked at his watch and said, "Look at the time I didn't realize it was so late. Well, think I'm going to bed now."

"I think you're running away," I said, just before he closed the door between the rooms, leaving my words to echo flatly.


	3. Chapter 3

Survivors

Chapter 3 -- Running down the sun

Sleep was evasive that night and I wondered if it was my conscience bothering me. Some people are private by nature and I wondered if I had pushed Jack too far the night before. There was something secret hidden there. But then we all have our little secrets, don't we?

I finally drifted off sometime after midnight and woke the next morning to a light tapping on the connecting door.

"Rise and shine," he called in a sing-song voice.

"Rise and shine this." I muttered to low for him to hear.

"I'll be up in a minute," I said, louder this time so he could hear me. I sat up slowly and rubbed the back of my stiff neck. I felt much better after a shower and was ready to get going. We made a quick breakfast and gathered our things up. All this was being done in almost total silence. Finally I couldn't take it anymore and asked him.

"Jack, did I touch a nerve last night?"

"Nah, it's all right. You ready to put some miles on that thing," He lifted his chin and gestured toward the trike.

"Let's do it."

We kept driving west crossing from one state into another. Around one we stopped for lunch at a roadside picnic area. We had just finished up when a faint noise came to our ears.

"That's a motorcycle," Jack said, looking uneasy.

"Yes it is," I agreed.

I went to the trike and got both our guns. I handed Jack his just as the bike came into view. The rider, by the looks of it male, pulled into the picnic area and parked next to the trike.

"I sure am glad to see you two," he said, taking off the helmet.

"Should we be glad to see you too?" Jack asked. He was sitting ram-rod straight with his rifle resting on his lap.

"I'd hope so, I'm friendly, I like kids and dogs, and I'm even housebroken."

Jack ignored the guys attempt at humor, "Been traveling alone for a while now?" he asked the man. The guy moved to get off the bike, swinging his leg over and Jack spoke sharply.

"No, no, no, we aren't finished playing twenty questions yet."

The man froze in place, he wasn't stupid, "What else would you like to know?" he asked.

"Where you coming from?"

"Philly, you guys?"

"DC"

"Seen any other people or groups?"

"Not healthy, no. I ran into a group just a couple of days ago, but they were all sick so I didn't stay with them."

That sounded cold and uncaring to me, but I also understood where he was coming from. Jack turned and looked at me, I knew he was asking my opinion, and I just shrugged my shoulders.

"Come on over," Jack said after another moment of thought. The man came over and sat down, introducing himself as Michael. He was coming from Philly, but was originally from Texas.

"Where are you going?" Michael asked.

"Colorado," Jack answered, still acting reserved.

"I was just trying to get out of Philly, do you two feel like adding one more?" Michael asked hopefully.

"We'll have to talk it over," Jack said.

"Well, I'll leave you alone to do that," he got up and went back to his bike opening one of the saddle bags and took out a canteen.

"What do you think?" I asked Jack.

"He seems harmless enough, there is better safety in numbers,"

"What about you? What is your impression?"

"He seems OK. Let him ride with us," I said.

And that is how we met Michael.

I woke up that night with something cold and hard pressed against my temple.

"Be quiet princess, and you'll make it through this just fine," he whispered against my ear. He tied my hands together and my feet apart, strapping them down to the bed frame. He put a wide piece of duct tape over my mouth and any hope of calling for Jack, vanished. I bit through my lip, but I didn't cry while he raped me. I kept thinking --What has he done to Jack?-- I thought Michael was afraid of him, I hoped and prayed he was.

He stayed with me until just before dawn when he slipped out like the slimy bastard that he was. I pulled and fought against the ropes but all I could do was wait for Jack to eventually find me. It took a couple of hours for him to realize something was wrong when I didn't answer his calls. I'm not sure where he found the pass keys, I don't care, but he opened the door to my room and found me. I held my tears until he took that nasty-tasting piece of tape off my mouth and began untying me, then I let myself cry.

He didn't try to hold me or comfort me, he just covered me with a blanket and sat next to me while I cried myself out. When I finally stopped crying I muttered,

"I need to go clean up."

"OK," was all he said.

I showered for a long time before I finally felt clean.

We didn't talk about it. What would have been the point? We just continued on. We were coming to the plains now and the roads were more clear. We made good time most days, except one when we woke up and it was raining heavily. That day we took as a break.

"Jack?"

"Yeah?"

"It wasn't your fault, you know?" I said gently as we played cards.

"What wasn't my fault?"

"What happened with Michael."

"I know that, but if we ever run across the little weasel his ass is mine."

"You can have his ass. I don't care. I just don't want you blaming yourself."

"I don't, I just feel my radar should have told me something was off with him."

"See," I sighed in exasperation, "we both agreed that he seemed harmless. We were both wrong and --"

"And look what happened," Jack said sharply/

"You may be used to shouldering all the guilt of the world, but you can't on this one. I won't let you."

" I do not have an Atlas complex," he said defensively.

"The hell you don't." I argued, I would stand toe-to-toe with him if I needed to.

"Are you going to play this hand, or not?" He asked casually.

"I am." I replied.

We were playing rummy and I was losing badly. Jack sometimes pretended to be dense, but he really wasn't.

"Jess, tell me your life story?" he asked to my utter surprise.

"Are you serious?" I asked him. "In the time we've been together you have never delved that deep into my personal life."

"Can't a guy be curious?"

"Sure can, but you aren't like most guys."

He put his cards down, cupped his chin in his hand and stared at me, waiting.

"OK, all right. I'm the youngest of five kids, I have two older brothers, two older sisters and I grew up in the south. I became a nurse over ten years ago, starting out as a peds nurse but I couldn't handle it so I switched to hematology. I met the love of my life when I was twenty-three and he was twenty-five, we got engaged, and two months before the wedding I lost him to a car accident."

"Sorry," he mumbled, looking awkward.

"Don't be. It was seven years ago now. I've healed as much as I'm going to."

"Did you hate God?" He asked after a few heartbeats of silence.

"No, what I hated was the people who came up to me and said 'it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all'."

"I hated people who came up and said 'he's with the angels now'," Jack said softly.

"Who did you lose, Jack?"

"My son Charlie. He shot himself with my service pistol."

I knew I was treading on thin ice but he was the one who had brought the subject up.

"How old was he?"

"Eight. He had just turned eight. I should never have left the damn thing loaded."

"Jack, you can't turn back time. If you could we'd all have perfect lives.

"I know, it's just that I could have used my head and I'd still have the greatest kid on earth."

"I'm sorry you lost your son, Jack," I said with sincerity, "but you can't blame yourself for that too. You can't go around blaming yourself for everything." He didn't say anything but the look on his face was something close to furious, or at least as close to it as I would want to see.


	4. Chapter 4

Survivors

Chapter 4 -- The hour of the wolf

Author's Note: Special thanks to 7LB and Gaterunner for all their encouragement and support. You guys rock. :-)

Crossing the plains on a trike or a motorcycle is something you have to just experience for yourself. Everything is alive there, from the wind chasing along the tops of the hay to the clouds rippling across the azure blue sky, it's all in constant motion.

But breeze or no breeze, September is one hot mother, so we had pretty much given up on camping and we constantly looked for roadside motels with swimming pools and air conditioning.

The incident with Michael and the conversation about Jack's son were put behind us and we moved forward, but we were cautious. We kept our guns closer to us and avoided contact with other people. We saw them, one or two, here and there, to bigger groups of fifteen and twenty all traveling together. I asked Jack where they were all going together and he said he doubted they knew. Just being together and heading for a single destination gave them purpose. That made sense to me.

I really liked the man I was getting to know. He was funny in a quirky way, he was charming when he wanted to be, and he was above all else, honorable. Not a bad combination. He had a certain sense of style too, we had both lost weight from eating the dehydrated and canned food, so we did a little shopping at a mall in Missouri.

If it weren't for all the skylights the place would have been creepy and dark, but it had a dusk-like quality to it instead. He headed straight for the 'old navy' store, while I went to a little shop close by called 'Profiles'. They had a lot of leather and I have a thing for leather. Jack surprised me when his now familiar voice spoke from nearby.

"Do these make my butt look big?" he asked.

"Nothing could make your butt look big, I think it's eroding before my eyes."

"Butt-erosion is a problem for men my age?" he asked with a deadpan expression.

I whipped my head around to stare at him with my best serious expression, I had learned how to play these games with Jack O'Neill.

"Oh yes. Very big problem, see, you scratch your ass too much. You thus contribute to your own butt-erosion.

Funny how the sound of someone laughing can make you smile. When it's a true, easy laugh it can change your whole day, and he had a laugh like deep mellow wind chimes.

We finished our shopping trip by spending an hour or so in the video arcade. Any type of game that involved a gun, he wanted to play and soon mastered it. I was better at the car racing games but the point was that for an afternoon we were like kids with no worries.

We finally gave up our care-free day and left the mall to find a motel, locating one near the highway with a pool just like we both liked and picked a couple of rooms.

"Why don't you take a swim and I'll do supper," I offered.

"You don't mind?" he asked, looking doubtful. "It's my turn."

"I don't mind, besides, what is there to opening a couple of cans? And I know you want to hit the pool pretty bad."

"Thanks Jess," he said already digging in his bag for his swim trunks.

I sat at a picnic table by the pool heating a couple of cans of beef stew, watching him swim when it hit me. Oh crap. At some point I had fallen for him.

"You ready to come eat?" I called to him.

"Be right there."

We sat at that picnic table in the gathering shadows and I hoped my secret was hidden well. That was something we had never talked about in all our conversations. I didn't even know if he had a girlfriend. To hell with it, why not ask?

"Penny for your thoughts?" He asked, sitting down across from me, still in his swim trunks and toweling his hair.

"Nope, they are worth way more than that," I countered.

"OK, five bucks to act them out?"

I just stared at him, thinking, if he only knew what was going through my mind.

"Umm... No. Not happening."

"Well you're no fun." he pouted.

I just laughed at him.

That's another thing, he pouted perfectly. Just enough to get what he wanted without acting like a child. Or maybe I'm just a wimp and had no backbone when it came to good-looking men with soft brown eyes. It was probably the second venue.

"Jack?"

"Jess?"

"Are you involved with someone?"

"No. Not really."

"That sounds a little dubious, are you, or, aren't you?"

"No. There is someone I care about, but she is career Air Force too, so..."

"So? So you two agreed that you wouldn't feel anything for each other?"

"Sounds like crap when you say it," he said, scowling at me.

"It is crap," I scowled back at him, angry at him now for some reason.

"Touch passion when ever you can, don't you dare walk away if it calls you by name," I snapped at him.

"Sorry," he said, sounding confused, and I knew he was, but I couldn't explain it to him. Here I was falling for him, while he and someone else had agreed to keep regulations between them.

"Have you ever told her you love her?"

He looked chagrined, "Almost."

"Jack, the world has gone to hell. You could have died in a freakin' ditch. Do regulations still exist?"

He looked like I had slapped him.

"They don't have to exist at all."I said, softer this time.

"Oh stop it Jessie!" he yelled at me. "I don't even know if Sam is still alive. She could be dead by now. She is the main reason I'm trying to get back to Cheyenne Mountain."

"If she is your primary motivation, you need to stop fooling yourself about your feelings for her."

"What is with you tonight?" He grumbled at me.

"What are you going to do if she is not there? Or if she's dead?"

"I'll cross that bridge when I come to it."

The way he spoke that last sentence told me he had given it a lot of thought. The kind of thought that comes to you in the hour of the wolf. The time between three and four AM when you can't find sleep and you can't find peace. All you can do is let your worst thoughts echo over and over inside your mind. I knew the hour of the wolf well, and apparently so did Jack.

"I didn't mean to bust your chops," I said, by way of an apology.

"Don't worry about it," he answered, but I could tell my words had stung a little.

"I hope we get there and she is the first person you see, I mean that." I told him.

"I hope my whole team is there, Samantha, Daniel, Teal'c, all of them. They are the closest thing to family I have anymore. Except you, I guess you are part of that family now."

I got up and busied myself with cleaning up from supper, afraid my mouth might get me in trouble if I wasn't careful. I couldn't tell him that the last thing I wanted was for him to see me as 'family'. No, I didn't want to be in that category because if his Samantha wasn't there I planned to be there for him.


	5. Chapter 5

Survivors

Chapter 5 -- The games we play

See, I know what you are thinking and you're wrong. I did not set out to seduce Jack, but fate seemed to be constantly throwing us together. And for the record, he isn't a saint, you know. There were a couple of times that he gave me the steamy looks. Other times, I'll confess to giving them to him, often in a moment of humor. Ever notice that? Humor can so easily turn into desire. I think it's because it lays the soul bare and it's hard to hide behind a mask if you are laughing.

Our luck with the weather ran out in Columbia Missouri and it began to rain. And it rained. And it rained. It kept us stuck in a motel room for three days. When it hit, it hit as a downpour and in just minutes we were both soaked to the skin. I pulled off the highway at the next exit and started looking for a motel. Jack tapped me on the shoulder and pointed one out.

"Works for me," I said, pulling under the awning.

"I'll be right back with keys," he said, walking to the front door. He was walking good. He had not been using the cane for the past few days.

"I think we have a problem." He said when he returned.

"What's that?"

He held up a single key and jingled it at me, "Only one room."

"Oh." I said feeling awkward.

"Let's at least go check out the room."

"OK," I agreed.

The room was nice and big, with two queen sized beds in it. I looked in at the room, then out at the pouring rain, then up at Jack.

"I'm willing to share a room if you are, I just don't want to go back out in the rain."

"Me either," he said.

We grabbed our packs from the trike and made a dash for the room. Even as close as I had parked in front of the room by the time we got inside both of us were drenched through by that cold, stinging rain.

"Grab a shower to warm up," I told him.

"You go, I can wait." he said, gently pushing me toward the bathroom.

"Jack, go take a sho--"

"Do I have to make that an order?"

"Like that would do any good with me," I snorted. I gathered my things and went into the bathroom. A hot shower later and I felt like a whole new woman.

"Bathroom is all yours," I smiled at him.

"Did you leave me any hot water?"

I just shrugged and grinned.

"Wench"

"Jack-ass"

This was a new game we played, calling each other names. It was childish yes, but it was fun. While Jack showered I fixed supper, he took even longer in there than I did.

"Thought you were going to turn into a prune."

He looked at his fingertips and shrugged, "Prunes are so unappreciated."

"Hungry?" I asked him.

"When am I not?"

It seemed like he could always eat, and never gained weight. When we stopped for gas he would grab a bag of chips or pretzels and a Poweraide, or something like it, and snack riding down the road. I could glance down the snack aisle and gain weight.

After dinner we broke out a deck of cards and proceeded with a game of Rummy that we had on-going. It had turned into more of a chat session than a game, we weren't even keeping score any more.

"So tell me more about your team," I asked, idly moving cards around in my hand.

"You know I can't tell you too much," he answered.

"I know, you could tell me but then you'd have to kill me, right?"

"Not funny."

"I was just teasing, Jack, sorry."

"Let's see... There is Daniel. He's one of my best friends, but on missions he tends to be the biggest pain in my ass."

"Why is that?" I asked. I loved to get Jack talking. If you did, he was a joy to listen to.

"He's to curious for his own good."

"Curiosity is good for you,"

"It is not. Not too much of it anyway."

We both chuckled and played out our cards. He had already told me about Samantha and Teal'c. Although he was really vague about Teal'c.

We still had our times of comfortable silences, but we also had our times of talk. We also had one more thing, times where we would sing. One of us would start off whistling or humming a song and before you knew it we were both singing it. Yeah, it was hard to believe that we had met just two short weeks ago.

It was a strange night, we had never slept in close proximity, so we tended to be a little formal and stiff with each other. We stopped our never-ending card game and Jack said he was tired and wanted to stretch out for a while. What I didn't expect was for him to strip down to a pair of boxers before laying down on his bed. I almost asked him what the heck he thought he was doing, but I caught myself in time. Like I said, my alligator mouth gets my tadpole ass in trouble a lot. I got ready for bed by putting on a comfortable pair of shorts and an old t-shirt and when I came out of the bathroom, I could feel his eyes on me.

"You look comfortable," he said with a grin.

"I am." I answered primly, I was still trying desperately to hide my crush from him. Especially knowing that he cared for someone else, there was no reason for me to act like an idiot.

"You ready for lights out?" he asked.

"Sure," I said sliding in between the sheets of the other bed.

"Night Jack."

"Night Jess." He replied before snapping the light off.

The next day the rain poured on and the overcast sky made the room dark and gloomy. The close quarters made for a lot of tension in the room. We suddenly seemed to be all over each other's toes. By afternoon I knew if we didn't part company for a few hours the tension would escalate into an argument or something equally bad, we were becoming good friends but even good friends need a break from each other. Our deck of cards was starting to become dog-eared and worn.

"Jack," I said breaking the heavy silence of the room. "I'm going out of my skull with boredom, and I know you are too."

"Yep,"he dragged the word out like a death sentence. Jack didn't do boredom well.

"Let's remedy that," I said.

"How do you propose we do that?"

"Just throw on your jacket and come with me. It will mean getting a little wet though."

He didn't argue he just slipped on his jacket and joined me at the door. He put his hands on my shoulders and gave them a squeeze. "Lead on."

There are a lot of things Jack and I have in common, the biggest one was that we were both over-grown children. We loved games and toys, and coming into town I had seem the signs for a 'Toys R Us'.

"Now you're talking," Jack said as he took his helmet off.

"Thought we might pick up some entertainment," I said, smiling at the look on his face.

"Good thinking, c'mon."

We ran to the door only to find it locked.

"Hang on, I can fix that." Jack said. He left me standing there and returned a second later with the jack-handle from the trike.

"Look away," he said, slowly swinging back and lining up his shot. I turned my head and a second later I heard the front door crash in. I took a cart from the line by the door and laughed openly as Jack took off down one of the aisles ahead of me. I picked up a playstation and put it in the cart.

"Hey Jack? What did you do with that thing?"

"What thing?"

"The one you broke the door with."

"Its by the door, need help?"

"Sure, want to pick out some video games with me?"

"Be right there."

He skated up a second later and I burst out laughing. He was wearing a pair of black and purple in-line skates and it was obvious he was no stranger to them.

"You never cease to amaze me, Jack." I told him openly.

"Good. Maybe I never will."


	6. Chapter 6

Survivors

Chapter 6 -- Give me today and I will be happy

My hunch had been right, a trip to the store was just what Jack needed. He liked to play dumb, but the truth of it was that he was a highly intelligent person. We grabbed DVDs, video games, board games and a couple of hand-held electronic games.

Back at the motel the first thing Jack wanted to do was set up the Playstation; he was just like a kid on Christmas morning. He couldn't decide if we should watch a movie or play a game and I was having fun just watching him, as always. There was such a child-like quality about him. Like skating around in the toy store, and throwing a giant rubber ball at me. He actually reminded me of a cartoon character. He was like Tigger from Winnie the Pooh, bouncy, bouncy, bouncy.

The toys did just what I had hoped, they took both our minds off the fact that we were stuck in this same room, two healthy adults, and the tension was building. I was struggling to remind myself that he sort of belonged to someone else and I needed to just wait and see what happened. Something that was becoming harder and harder to do.

We spent the rest of the day playing a game called 'Area 51'. Jack joked about us 'saving the world from aliens, if you could tell the good ones from the bad ones.' I didn't get that, but I didn't ask for an explanation, either.

We finally stopped around seven PM because our hands were cramped and hurting. Mine were, anyway. Jacked seemed fine.

"Why don't you pick us out a movie to go with supper?" I asked him. To my surprise he picked out a romance movie of all things.

Now I'll confess to being a marshmallow when it comes to a good romance movie, but I didn't expect it from Jack, who bit his lip all through the tearful ending. Yes, he had a soft heart no matter what he did for a living, or how tough he liked to act.

I made my first critical mistake then, I reached over and patted his hand. It felt like a current of electricity raced between us and judging by the look on his face I wasn't the only one that felt it either.

"Sorry," I apologized, feeling anything but.

"No, it's... all right," he said, his eyes locked with mine. I could have kissed him right then. God knows I wanted to and if I hadn't moved away when I did I'm pretty sure he would have kissed me. I backed away quickly but not before I noticed the little grin on his face. He was enjoying this. Ohhh that made me want to get even, and why not? Two can play this game. That was where I made my second mistake. Never try to get even over something you really want to happen.

I went to the door and looked out at the still falling rain.

"Something on your mind?" he asked.

"Yeah just wondering about the guy out here with the big boat and all the animals."

"What?" he asked, rising from his seat on the bed before he realized what I had said. "Is he named Noah?" he asked me.

"Yep, that would be him," I replied.

"Don't worry about him, he's just opening his own zoo."

"You have an answer for everything, don't you?"

"I try too, yes."

"Except one question, you still don't know about your Sam, do you?" I wasn't trying to be mean when I asked it, it just popped into my head and out of my mouth. He just smiled at me.

"No, but I have a lot of faith in her, and faith manages to get me through a lot of rough times."

That made me feel even worse for what I had said. That gentle, calm, assurance. It was also like an instant cold shower. Nope, no sexual tension here.

"I didn't mean anything by that, Jack." I apologized.

"I know," he answered, "now come on, play me a game of F-15 --"

"You're too good at that one, I never stand a chance."

"I know," he gloated openly.

The next day the rain began to slow down and ease off to intermittent showers, and we both realized that tomorrow would be another day of travel, but for now we had one more day of rest. One more day of play, and we made the most of it.

By late afternoon my fingertips were raw from playing video games and my face actually hurt from laughing so much. I could tell you we had a blast, but that doesn't even come close to describing what that day was like. You can learn more about a person in an hour of play than you can in a year of conversation.

My back ached from sitting hunched over playing games, so I lay down on my bed to stretch it out. A second later Jack flopped down next to me.

"It's my night to cook, you in the mood for anything in particular?"

"Whatever you want is fine with me," I yawned. When I opened my eyes he was staring down at me with those soft brown eyes and I knew what was about to happen and I couldn't stop it. Hell, I didn't want to stop it. Our bodies were pressed against each other, mouths almost touching, then flesh connected with flesh and heat enveloped both of us. I yielded to the pressure of his mouth and a low moan escaped from his lips, it sent a tingle down my spine.

I wound my hands into his shirt and we rolled over, never breaking the searing contact of our mouths. The kiss itself had shifted with the movement, an intimate battle raged, each gesture intensified and returned. This was fast approaching the point of no return. I pulled away from him.

"Jack? We gotta stop this," I said breathlessly

"I know, I know, sorry."

"Don't be sorry," I said, tracing one finger along his jawline, "I'm sure not."

He smiled at me then went to make supper. I took a couple of deep breaths to help calm me down.

No great surprise as to what kind of dreams I had that night. Same goes for Jack judging by the noises he was making over there. As I tossed and turned in between fitful dreams of long, hot, kisses, I was glad we were leaving tomorrow. Too much time spent alone in this room and we would go too far. Hell, we had almost done it today. I cursed Jack and Samantha both for their stupid rules and relationship. Why didn't people understand that love was a gift, not something to be hidden away?

The next morning we got up early packed up and headed out, leaving most of the toys and games behind. All that lay between us and the state of Colorado was part of Missouri and Kansas. It weighed heavy on my mind that once we got to Colorado Springs I would lose him forever. I guess it was up to whether or not Samantha was there. We made good time, crossing out of Kansas City just before sundown and finding a motel, with two rooms this time, just before full dark.


	7. Chapter 7

Survivors

Chapter 7 -- I've seen fire and I've seen rain...

I needed the privacy of a single room after three nights sharing space with Jack. Well, I needed that and a good cold shower. We ate dinner together and then I excused myself saying I needed to take a shower. Jack agreed, saying he was going to take one himself. I was almost out when I heard him calling me.

"Jess!"

"Jessie!"

I knew instantly what had happened. I threw clothes on my still damp body and raced to his room. God, I hate being right sometimes. He was still in the bathroom so I stopped just before I got to the doorway.

"Jack? Are you covered?"

"No, but I don't think that matters right now. I can't get up, Jess."

"Your knee?" I asked.

"Yep,"

Did I mention I hate being right sometimes? I gritted my teeth and walked into the tiny bathroom where he had managed to lift himself up to the side of the tub. The very first thing I did was to get him the largest towel I could find and let him drape it over his lap. Even then my face was hot from the blush that had crept up it.

"I'll get your brace and your cane," I said quickly.

"It might be easier if I just lean on you," he said. I was afraid he was going to say that. All the years I'd worked as a nurse I had seen a lot of naked men, but seeing Jack naked would be a whole different ball game. Mostly because I was interested in him, partly because it had been a long time since my last boyfriend. Everybody goes through a dry spell, right?

I slipped my right arm around his back as he leaned heavily on my shoulders as he stood up. The towel fell away and I got a better look at Jack's naked body than I had planned.

"Jesus Christ, Jack, what happened to you?"

"Which time?"

I was looking at scars, a lot of scars. It occurred to me that I sounded a little insensitive, but I wasn't trying to be,

"Seen a lot of action, soldier?"

"More than you know," he replied.

I helped him to the bed and he sat on the edge.

"I need something to put on," he said.

I went to his backpack and got out a set of boxers and some sweats and between the two of us we got him dressed before strapping on his brace. I let out a deep breath that I didn't realize I'd been holding. That's not entirely true. I knew I was holding my breath and I damn well knew why. You would too if you found yourself dressing a naked man you saw as very attractive. His body was still warm and damp from the shower, I could smell the scent of his soap and shampoo; anywhere I touched him he felt vital and alive. I didn't want to break the contact between us so I began to knead the muscles of his shoulders. I didn't think about what I was doing, I just did it.

He moaned low in his throat and instantly all my senses were sharpened. He leaned forward and put his arms around my waist, burrowing his head against my breasts. I placed a hand on each side of his face and tilted it up so I could look into his eyes. I wish I could say I saw pure desire there for me, but that wasn't what I saw. I saw desire, but I also saw worry for Sam. I let go of him and stepped back.

"I think I better go," I said.

He nodded but didn't look at me or say anything. Which only made me feel worse. I retreated to my room to cry myself to sleep.

I woke Jack early the next morning and asked him if he wanted to stay there a couple of days and give his leg time to heal a bit. He agreed, so I left him there and went into town for supplies. We had just crossed out of Kansas City, so I rode back to it for the groceries and things I wanted. One of the things I included in my shopping trip was a hand-held CB unit, I thought it might help fill some of his time.

I was right, he got excited over the thing and it was Christmas morning all over again. I fixed breakfast while he played with his new toy.

He was systematically going through all the channels when he got an answer on one.

"This is Air Force Colonel, Jack O'Neill Can anyone hear me?"

"Come back Colonel" a man's voice said.

"This is Colonel Jack O'Neill, to whom am I speaking?"

"My name is Jason Reynolds. We're on I-70 heading west to Denver, to the center for disease control. There are supposed to be working on a cure there."

"Where on I-70 are you?"

"Burlington, Colorado. We just crossed over into Colorado when one of our group had trouble with his bike so we holed up for a day or two. Do you monitor channel eighteen?"

"I will now," Jack answered.

"There are a lot of groups that use eighteen for relaying messages, it's a good way to get the word out on something or someone."

"I need to put the word out on someone, Jason. Major Samantha Carter. If you hear from her, let her know that Jack is on his way. Can you do that?"

"Sure I can, be glad to, in fact."

After he was off the CB he called to me.

"Jess, did you hear that?"

"That's great, Jack. It really is."

But in my heart I didn't think it was great at all.


	8. Chapter 8

Survivors

Chapter 8 -- This love is killing me, but you're the only one

Jess said it was fate and Jack argued that it was luck but whatever you wanted to call it, it was running out. Finding motels that still had the power on was getting harder to do. It had been almost a month since the epidemic had swept across the country leaving half the population dead in its wake and the other half either afraid and hiding, or in small groups that were running lawless in the streets. It was a bad combination.

And for me personally, time had become a highway stretching out to a dark and uncertain future. I had no idea if Samantha Carter was still alive or not, or what was going to happen in Colorado Springs, I couldn't think past it. Now all I wanted to do was get there and find out, and this was the worst time to be in a hurry because Jack needed a couple of days to rest. Add to that the sexual frustration I was feeling and you begin to understand my plight. That one kiss we shared still haunted me in my dreams and I wondered what he felt for me, where we stood.

We kept him off his bad knee for two days before he turned into the whiniest patient I had seen in a long time. He was cranky and quarrelsome and cute through it all. I had a hard time keeping a smile off my face when he got like that, it only made things worse. It was the second afternoon and I couldn't do anything to keep him entertained so I started asking questions when I should have kept my mouth shut.

"Jack, tell me about her?"

He stopped squirming for a minute.

"About who?" he asked.

"About Sam, what is she like?"

He took a long breath before answering

"She's smart. I mean scary smart. She's an Astrophysicist, a major in the Air Force, she's tough but gentle. She's got the kindest heart I've ever seen." His eyes turned glassy and distant and I would have given anything to be there in his mind, to see what he was seeing.

"How long how you two been a non-couple?"

"Non-couple, I like that, it does describe us best. To answer your question, about five years now."

"She sounds like a great person," I said wishing I had never asked about her. There is nothing worse than feeling like you're living in someone's shadow.

"She is. And she's a great friend. That's what we've been all these years and I don't see it changing anytime soon."

"But if it weren't for rules then you two would be together?" I asked.

"Most likely, yes." he answered, sounding a little sad.

I knew I was bringing him down and I didn't want to do that, so I asked

"What's the first thing you're going to say to her when you get there?"

"I don't know exactly. Hello might be nice."

"Oh c'mon, come up with something more original than just hello. You could start by telling her how many miles you've crossed to get to her and how many times you'd do it all over again."

His face brightened, "I could do that. That would probably work."

"If nothing else, take her flowers." I suggested. "Never arrive to see a lady empty-handed."

"Dating advice?" he asked, one eyebrow raised.

"Sounds like you need it. Five years and you can't even get laid? Sounds like you need advice of some kind," I chided.

"Who says I haven't been laid in five years?"

"Not by Sam, you haven't, now have you?"

"Well, no..--"

"See? You do need advice."

I could tell I was starting to get under his skin a little because I had hit too close to the mark. I changed the subject.

"Want to get back on the road tomorrow, or rest another day or two?"

"I'm ready to go," he replied without hesitation.

That's when I made my big mistake.

"Jack, what's going to happen when we get there?"

"What do you mean?"

"Never mind," I tried to back-pedal.

"No, really," he insisted, "what do you mean."

"You know how I feel about you, but I have no idea how you feel about me." I was almost crying by then.

"I'm not sure how I feel about you, Jess. Grateful doesn't begin to cover it. You saved my life, I really believe that, and you are an attractive woman, but other than that I don't know."

"At least you're honest," I said sadly, letting the conversation drop.

We struck out again the next morning and I really pushed that trike. It had been like a laid back Sunday drive up until now. After last night Jack had withdrawn from me a bit. We were still close, but something was different. Over the next couple of days we crossed the flat plains of Kansas and entered Colorado.

I had already checked the route on the map. From the border where we had stopped for the night to Colorado Springs was a mere seventy miles. If it wasn't full dark we could have made it, but by mutual agreement we stopped.

All I could think that night was how I would have to give him up tomorrow.


	9. Chapter 9

Survivors

Chapter 9 -- I dream of love as time runs through my hands...

I woke the next morning to a heavy pouring rain. I sat in my bed for ten minutes and cried, thanking God I had an excuse to spend one more day with him. I dressed and went and tapped on the door to his room.

"Come in," he called casually.

So I did, and got the first shock of the morning.

"Good morning, Jess," he said, his voice sounding like silk over smooth stones. The kind of tone of voice that sends a shiver down your spine. Which is exactly what it did to me.

And there was Jack, stretched out naked on the bed!

"I guess you know it's raining," was all I could think of to say.

"Yep"

"Want to ride in the rain, or take one more day off?"

"Oh, I don't know. I kinda have other plans for today."

"And that would be?"

"Come here and I'll show you."

I took a step then stopped.

"We're not going to do this, Jack. I'm not going to be someone for you just to fall back on. I can't play second string, I won't play it. I'm sorry but what I feel for you deserves more respect than that."

He rose and walked toward me.

"I don't want you to play second string. I'm not asking you to, because there is no first string. Sam and I have never moved past very good friends, don't forget that."

"Forget that? I think about that all the time. It has kept me awake nights."

"I've never made a commitment to her and she has never made one to me, so there isn't one to be broken."

He was standing mere inches from me now, those soft brown eyes staring down into mine and I knew I would spend the day in bed with him. I might regret it the rest of my life, but I knew I would do it.

He lowered his head and his lips brushed mine gently, not pressuring my mouth open like the last time, but coaxing it. His hands traced my spine and gently cupped my ass, squeezing it. When the kiss broke I was dizzy and breathless.

"Jack," I gulped, "are you sure about this?"

"Yes," he whispered in my ear.

"Because this could end up being--"

He put his finger to my lips to silence me.

"Do you want me?" he asked.

"You know I do," I replied.

"Then shut up and kiss me."

I leaned in and kissed him for all I was worth.

We did spend all day in bed, I won't lie to you and say I feel remorse, because I don't. He was a gentle and passionate lover, the kind of man who makes love to you with everything he feels in his heart, not just with his body.

We fell asleep in each other's arms sometime in the afternoon, exhausted by making love all morning.

I woke to find him looking down at me, smiling. I smiled back shyly.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Watching you sleep."

"Why?"

"Because you don't know how relaxed and beautiful you look when you are sleeping."

I just smiled at him.

"Hungry?" I asked.

"Starved. What do you have in mind?"

"Ham sandwiches? I've got a small canned ham..."

"Sounds great. What can I do to help?"

"Nothing. Stay here in bed and be comfortable. I'll be right back."

I dressed quickly and ran to my room. I cooked the ham and made a plate of sandwiches, grabbed some chips and ran back to Jack's room. He met me at the door and unburdened my straining arms.

"Thank you," I said, stretching up to kiss him lightly.

"You're welcome" he grinned.

We ate in relative silence just enjoying the food and each other's company. When we were done I lay down next to him and rested my head on his shoulder. I ran my hand over his chest, feeling a multitude of scars. Without thinking about it, I leaned forward and kissed one of them.

"What are you doing?" Jack asked me, scowling slightly.

"Kissing your scars," I answered primly.

"Why?"

"Because you have no idea how beautiful you are in my eyes. These, " I said, kissing another one, "are nothing to me."

I watched him blush from the knees up.

"What?" I asked, "I'm not allowed to think you are beautiful?"

"Honey, you can think anything you want to," he said in a gravely voice, his arms tightening around me in a fierce hug.

We made love two more times that evening before the world came crashing down all around us.

We were laying there dozing in the relaxed afterglow of two satiated people when Jack's CB radio went off.

"Break one eight, break one eight for Colonel Jack O'Neill. Sir, are you there?"

It was a woman's voice and my blood ran cold because I knew in my heart exactly who it was. Jack sat frozen in place, staring at the radio as if he'd never seen it before.

"Answer it, Jack," I prodded, slipping out of bed and pulling on my clothes. I went to the window and stared out.

"This is Colonel Jack O'Neill, is that you Carter?"

"Yes sir, glad to hear you are OK.

"Carter, who from the Cheyenne Mountain Complex made it?"

There was a long pause.

"Almost all of us, sir. We had time to develop an antidote, just not enough time to distribute it. It was us sir. We brought it through the gate."

"We did?"

"Yes sir, from PSX-782."

Jack was silent for a few minutes, till the radio in his hand came to life again.

"Are you still there, sir?"

"I'm here Carter," he replied, sounding a bit sad. I almost turned to look at him, but I was afraid he'd see the heartbreak I was feeling.

"Are you headed this way?" she asked.

"We will be there tomorrow if the weather is good," he answered.

"We?"

"Yes, long story, Carter. But tell Doctor Fraiser I'm bringing her a Hematology nurse."

"Yes sir. We will all be glad to see you tomorrow. Carter out."

"O'Neill out."

I stayed at the window even when I heard him coming up behind me. He laid his hands on my shoulders and dropped a very light kiss on my neck.

"I--" I cleared my throat and tried again, "Jack, I don't know if I can do this."

"Do what?"

"Meet Sam and see what happens next. Maybe I should just drop you off and leave."

"Don't you dare," he said, his voice a low rumble, "don't you quit on me now. I need you."

It was the last part of that sentence that made me turn and face him. My eyes shining with unshed tears.

"I need you too," I whispered, "But does Sam need you too? And if she does, who wins? Is it a competition? Winner takes Jack?"

"No it's not a competition. I don't know what will happen when we get there, but please don't go yet, OK?"

There was no way I could deny him

"All right, I'll stay," I said.

He hugged me tight and I returned it, wondering what tomorrow would bring.


	10. Chapter 10

Survivors

Chapter 10 -- The road to hell...

The next morning dawned cold and dreary, but no rain in sight. I knew I couldn't escape the next seventy miles any longer. I dressed and packed my things, sitting down on the side of the bed after I was done. I tried, but couldn't stop the tears, it seemed to be all I was doing lately, crying over Jack but I had to get the tears out before I faced him.

All cried out I tapped my fingertips on his door, he opened it almost immediately.

"Good morning," he said with a formal little bow.

"Hi," I answered weakly.

"You OK? You look a little pale." he said, reaching out to touch my face.

I pulled away from him, turning my head.  
"We better hit the road," I said, "We got a few miles left on this little journey, let's finish them Jack."

He was looking into my eyes and trying to figure out what was wrong. I couldn't very well tell him that I had regrets. I couldn't say that I felt no hope in being with him. In my heart he was already lost to Sam. Just like I had lost David years ago. When the phone rings in the middle of the night it is almost always bad news.

Getting on that trike and driving those last few miles felt like a bad dream I wanted desperately to wake up from.

Before I knew it, we were there.

Pulling up in front of this giant cave with armed guards standing in front of it. Just inside the arch of the cave stood a group of people that were separate from everyone else. I took off my helmet and watched them approach us. Jack's team. No doubt about it. I could tell each one of them by his stories and descriptions. Including Sam. Most of all Sam, and I felt instantly felt inferior.

Jack hugged Daniel and Teal'c and when he came to Sam it was electric. You could almost see a current running between them. A bond that can only be formed by years of relying on each other. They were staring into each other's eyes and the rest of the world didn't exist for them, and I knew he was gone. Rules and regulations were history. No matter what might have happened between us he loved her in a way I could never compete with. I had only been fooling myself that he ever belonged to me at all.

"Nice wheels, Jack, "Daniel said with a grin.

"It got us here," was all Jack said.

"It is indeed good to see you, O'Neill," Teal'c said with a sage smile.

I noticed Jack had Sam's hand in a vice-like grip and wasn't letting go for any reason.

"Where is general Hammond?" Jack

"He's inside, and Doctor Fraiser will welcome an extra nurse, so come on, let's go in," Daniel said, looking at me curiously.

"Lead on, Danny boy" Jack said, looking back at me.

They started to walk away and I felt the urge to follow them, but I also felt the urge to run.

Jack looked back and noticed I wasn't following. He separated himself from the group and walked back to me.

"You aren't coming, are you?" Was all he said.

"No, I don't think so. My place isn't here, Jack. I thought it might be, but it isn't."

" Come on," he said, "You're not even giving it a chance."

"I know," I said, "but I can't stay no more than you could leave."

"Jess, I'm sorry --"

"Don't be. I know you never meant to hurt me, and I don't blame you for me falling for you. That was my heart, not yours. No one decides who they fall in love with. It just happens. The heart wants what it wants."

I got back on the trike and started it up.

"Jessie, don't do this, come on inside," he asked.

"Tell you what, Jack, I'm going to head over to the CDC in Denver. If they don't need me there, I'll come back. Fair enough?"

"No. It's too dangerous. Just stay here."

"I can't Jack. I just can't. I need some time. If the CDC doesn't work out, I'll come back, I promise."

"Why do I feel like you are going away forever?"

"Take care of yourself Jack. I'll be thinking of you."

He stuck his hands in his pockets and sighed

"Bye Jess, thank you for everything."

I just smiled and waved at him.

I turned that trike around and headed out for Denver.

End


End file.
